10 Tips When Dealing With Romantic Rejection
Hey All! My name is Diana Garcia, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in Florida and the owner of Nurturing Minds Counseling. Have you recently been dumped, ghosted, or struggling with romantic rejection? Then watch the video below for tips for dealing with romantic rejection or scroll down to read the blog.
Table of Contents
Watch the Video on “10 Tips When Dealing with Romantic Rejection”:
Read the Blog on How To Recover from Rejection
Tip 1: Romantic Rejection is Pretty Common
It’s normal, and it happens to most of us.
I don’t want to say all because I’m sure someone’s going to sound like, “Oh, I’ve never been rejected,” which is excellent for them, but I will say that it’s happened to most of us, myself included, and most of the clients I work with. Tip number one is accepting that if you’re going to be dating or engaging with others in some romantic form, it’s pretty normal to expect that at some point, you might get rejected.
There’s this impression that being rejected doesn’t happen to many people, and it’s only a select few that deal with rejection which lends itself to the idea that “something is wrong with you if you get rejected.” And that’s a myth; getting rejected happens to most of us, so you’re in good company. Whether that looks like getting ghosted, stood up on a date, or getting dumped in a long-term relationship.
Tip 2: Be Careful of Associating with Your Self-Worth
Noticing if your mind is associating this rejection with your self-worth. Rejection can trigger some common thoughts, including:
- “I’m unlovable.”
- “I’m unworthy.”
- “What’s wrong with me?”
- “Something is concretely or crucially wrong about who I am.”
These thoughts are even louder for people who struggle with self-esteem, shame, or just some sense of not feeling good enough which is many of us.
Not only are none of these thoughts true. You’re worth is not contingent on outside factors or outside approval. It’s more important to recognize that holding on so tightly to these thoughts is not helpful and doesn’t move you forward.
Recognize the illogical equation you’re mind is formulating. Essentially the formula in your brain is:
This Rejection(s) = I’m not good enough
The more you realize how fundamentally flawed this logic is and how it’s contributing to keeping you down. The more you can start to stop listening to it as if it’s true. Noticing that story and labeling it when it’s happening can help you create some distance from this mind trap. A thought is just a thought; it doesn’t matter if it’s accurate or factual; it’s just something happening in your mind. You want to start reacting to this thought the same way you respond to the thought, “Guacamole is my favorite food.” One thought is not more important or meaningful than the other.
Tip 3: Accept it will Hurt for a Time
Accept that while you’re recovering from romantic rejection there will be a period where it just sucks. Give yourself permission to have this crucial period of difficulty. Don’t buy into the illusion or listen to your well-being friends who say, “well, just move on.” Accept that there will be a time when you will feel all the uncomfortable feelings, grieve the loss of this connection, and have difficult thoughts.
It’s normal to feel hurt by rejection, so you don’t need to pretend that you’re not impacted or put on a brave face. I’m not saying get stuck in this place, yet if you can give yourself the self-validation that there be a tough period, you’ve let go of some of the struggle.
Tip 4: Get Clear How You Want to Handle Romantic Rejection
Ask yourself: How do I want to show up for myself during this rough time?
Tap into your values and tune in to what’s important to you, even as you’re dealing with this romantic rejection. When you look back at this moment in time, what would make you feel proud or satisfied with how you handled this rejection? Is it vital for you to be kind to yourself? To give yourself time? To reach out for support? To keep focusing on your other priorities? Whatever that looks like for you, write that down somewhere because that can be your road map to refer back to when you’re unsure how to move forward.
If you have no idea what you want to add to that roadmap, that’s ok. You can take a moment to slow down, breathe, and free journal on possible ideas. Just do a brain dump of any thoughts that come to mind. Once you do a brain dump, look at that list and see what resonates with you. There is no right or wrong answer, this is all about what matters to you, and you’re the expert on yourself.
You can also look for an outside model to help guide you. If you’ve seen someone in real life or on TV/Movies handle rejection like a pro, identify what that person is did that you admire? What did that person do to recover from the rejection? How can you make it your own and authentic to you?
This roadmap can also be a resource when you notice you start engaging in activities that aren’t listed there, such as getting super self-critical or isolating yourself. It will be your cue to change directions.
Tip 5: Take Care of Yourself
Focus on taking care of your needs. It’s related to committing to the actions listed on your roadmap and also going back to the basics here and focusing on your core needs.
- Prioritize sleep. Are you getting enough sleep? Or are you sleeping too much?
- Commit to some form of physical activity, ideally something fun. Could you take a walk in a park that you love or on the beach? Or take your pup for a longer stroll? Maybe turn on your favorite song and dance like it’s nobody’s business.
- Nourish your body in ways that feel right to you. Making sure you’re hydrated and eating foods that fuel your body.
- Connect with others. Tapping into your support system.
- Connect with yourself. Whether through journaling, meditating, praying, or other mindful activities.
- Leisure activities. Is this a good time to redirect your attention to hobbies that you’ve neglected or always wanted to pick up? Can you devote some energy to these activities if you have more time now?
- Notice your social media intake and how you’re using it. If it’s causing you to engage in unhealthy comparisons or obsessively look up that person, it might be good to take a social media break or set some limits.
I’m not saying don’t give yourself permission to get some ice cream and binge-watch all 10 seasons of Friends but being able to distinguish when it’s self-care versus avoidance. Maybe self-care is doing that for 2 days but doing it for 2 weeks straight looks more like avoidance.
Tip 6: Time is Crucial to Recover from Rejection
Give yourself time to process whatever you’re feeling and not rush back into the dating pool. I mentioned accepting that it will suck for a bit, but this tip is more so about giving yourself the time you need without the pressure to get back on the bandwagon. I often see the urge or tendency to jump right back into dating or other forms of unhealthy connection to avoid having to process everything that the rejection triggered.
There is no recommended time here; it’s not as straightforward as you need one month of alone time for every month you were together. Ultimately, you get to decide what feels right to you but give yourself the time to explore what this is bringing up. It doesn’t mean you have to wait until you’re 100% a-okay and have a sense of when you’ll be in the mental and emotional space to show up to a new connection from a place of your values vs. rebound or avoidance.
Tip 7: Be Wary of Impulsive Behaviors
Notice any desire to engage in impulsive behaviors. Get clear if you’re looking for some type of instant gratification which can look like:
- Logging on Tinder and swiping away to find someone to hook up with ASAP.
- Reaching out to your ex or that person to try to learn or understand more or continue the connection despite the apparent rejection or lack of engagement.
- Stalking your ex’s IG, Snapchat, Tik Tok, or stalking the new person they are with.
- Rekindling with a past fling or easy booty call to feel better about yourself or seek some temporary external validation.
There’s nothing flat out wrong with doing any of these behaviors if they are somehow aligned with your values vs. just trying to escape the uncomfortable feelings/thoughts that this rejection triggered. If these behaviors are fueled by the desire to quiet out the thoughts that you’re not good enough or unworthy, they might not be in your best interest.
Just notice any tendency to be impulsive and try as much as possible to catch yourself before you engage in the behaviors. If you’re unaware of those behaviors, consider a time in the past when you felt rejected and engaged in a way that you later regretted. The more you have a sense of your patterns, the more you can get ahead of them.
Tip 8: Notice the Thoughts of Your Ex or the Rejector
Pay attention to the stories your mind is making up about your ex. Often, I’ll see a spectrum of reactions when it comes to making sense of what happened and how the other person is viewed.
Sometimes, it’s hyper-focusing on all the good memories and replaying in your mind all the great times you had together and remembering all their best traits, which can be expected after a breakup. This filter, though, tends to leave out the not-so-great times or the not ideal qualities of this individual. It’s almost as if your mind has built this person up to be “The Only One for your or He/She/They are your Soul Mate!” And your mind tells you that “You’ll never find someone else like them.” Observe this tendency to put this person on a pedestal and how that will keep you trapped.
On the other end of the spectrum, I see the tendency to label this person as a villain, the absolute worst person in the world. In this instance, you hone in on the shittiest qualities of this person, your relationship, or your interaction. This makes you feel justified, angry, and resentful and can keep you paralyzed.
Maybe you’ve noticed swinging from one extreme to the other. It doesn’t even matter which version is more accurate; it’s becoming aware that focusing so rigidly on either extreme might keep you stuck and prevent you from moving forward. Whether that’s because you can’t accept that this person is not the only one and open yourself to other fish in the sea. Or because you’re getting too focused on staying in that space of resentment, preventing you from showing up the way you want to in a new connection.
Tip 9: Don’t Brave this Romantic Rejection Alone
Seek support! You don’t have to go through this alone. I mentioned this as part of taking care of basic needs, and I’m also highlighting it here because it’s so important. When you’re going through a tough time, especially when it’s related to the context of a relationship, it’s crucial to seek out supportive relationships to replenish your need for connection.
We all need to feel heard, understood, and cared for. We’re literally wired to connect and why feeling rejected hurts us so bad. So how do you recover from rejection? You tap into your other avenues of social support, whether that’s your friends, family, or even an online community.
You don’t have to deal with this in isolation, which can make it worse. It doesn’t mean you have to disclose to all the people in your life, and it’s essential to find the people that are going to be able to provide the support you need.
Tip 10: Is this an Opportunity for Self-Reflection?
I saved this tip for last because it can be a difficult one. Take a moment and ask yourself, is this rejection(s) an opportunity for self-reflection and growth? Is there something you’re noticing about yourself, your patterns, how you engage in relationships, or who you gravitate towards that you need to start looking at?
To be clear, I’d recommend doing some of this introspection after you’ve gone through the initial difficult phase where it’s super fresh. But once you’re in a better place, this could signal you to look at yourself and figure out if something needs to change? Is there an opportunity for growth here?
Romantic relationships trigger a lot of our stuff, I know it does for me, and that’s just normal. Don’t throw away this period to self-reflect. Notice if there are any unhealthy patterns such as missing red flags, consistently being in toxic relationships, pursuing emotionally unavailable partners, being an unattainable partner, or pushing people away.
Gain some clarity on those patterns to work on changing those behaviors going forward and understand yourself better, what you want or don’t want in a partner or a future relationship.
A vital step here: DON’T SHAME YOURSELF during this process of self-reflection because that’s not going to help you. The hope is to identify these patterns without buying into any stories that it means something wrong with you.
For more tips to help you manage relationships difficulties, anxiety, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and more subscribe to my email newsletter below. And as always, I encourage you to continue nurturing your mind, body, and soul.