How Values Exercises Can Help You Overcome Anxiety
In today’s blog, I’m going to explain how tuning into your values can be crucial not only for living your most meaningful life but also for helping you overcome your anxiety. Values work is something that I not only personally love to do, but I find that most of my clients respond well to it. It also aligns with the core process of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
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What are Values?
Values are the principles and morals that you deem important. Think of them as your internal compass or North Star, guiding you to ask yourself, “What do I want my life to stand for in this moment?” Values are broader and guide your ongoing actions and decisions. Unlike goals, which are specific achievements, values are an ongoing process that continually shapes how you live your life.
Detailed Explanation of Values
You have values in different life domains such as relationships (such as authenticity, kindness, or caring), professional (such as ambition, teamwork, or innovation), or leisure (such as playfulness and curiosity). These values reflect what you find most important and guide your actions and decisions in various aspects of your life. It’s crucial to consider the qualities of these values so you truly have a sense of what it even means to be authentic or to be ambitious.
Values vs Goals
It’s crucial to distinguish values from goals. Goals are specific achievements that you can check off, like expressing your true feelings in a conversation. For example, if authenticity is your value, a goal might be to openly share your thoughts with a loved one during a difficult conversation. On the other hand, values are broader and provide a framework for your ongoing actions and decisions. If you get too focused on the outcome and rigid when it comes to goals, it can fuel some perfectionist or anxious tendencies. Instead, I would encourage you to consider how you can enjoy the process as you’re constantly moving North.
Why Are Values Important?
Accessing your values can help to increase your motivation and willingness to navigate difficult thoughts, feelings, and sensations including any that may be associated with anxiety. A core feature when it comes to anxiety might be to default to some avoidance due to the ongoing fear that presents itself and a lack of self-confidence that you do have the skills to move through your fears. While your experiences of anxiety are fleeting and often uncontrollable, how you respond to them and whether you keep engaging in ongoing actions toward your value is in your control. Having a clear sense of what you want your life to stand for can serve as a stable foundation for your actions.
Values Exercises
Here are some value exercises to help you get started.
Values Exercise One: Writing Your Epitaph
Consider this thought-provoking exercise: Imagine writing your epitaph. If your anxiety controlled your life, what would it say? Now, think about what you want it to say. This exercise helps highlight the difference between living a life dictated by anxiety and one driven by values.
Step-by-Step Guide:
- Take a quiet moment to reflect on your current life and how anxiety influences it.
- Write a brief epitaph as if anxiety were in control, such as, “Here lies John Doe, who was constantly afraid to step outside his comfort zone.”
- Now, write a new epitaph based on your values, such as, “Here lies John Doe, who was scared but also courageous and pursued what mattered most to him.”
- Compare the two and consider the changes needed to align more with your values.
Adapted from Eifert, G. H., & Forsyth, J. P. (2005). Acceptance and commitment therapy for anxiety disorders: A Practitioner’s Treatment Guide to Using Mindfulness, Acceptance, and Values-Based Behavior Change. New Harbinger Publications.
Values Exercise Two: Guided Visualization
You can take the previous exercise and try to see whatever feels missing or what you would want it to say as a way to help you have a sense of what’s important to you now. You can also use that to engage in the following visualization exercise to truly be able to at least take these abstract values to what your life could truly look like.
Guided Visualization:
- Find a quiet space and close your eyes.
- Take a couple of deep breaths and get settled.
- Now imagine you wake up one morning and have time traveled to 5 years from now. In this future version of you, you have worked through your anxiety and have taken consistent steps to create a life according to your chosen values.
- Imagine going through one day of your life, including the actions you take, the feelings you experience, the people around you, etc.
- Take your time with it and as you go through this day, including the impact on your life and relationships.
- Now imagine you’re done with your day, and you’re getting settled for bed. Tonight, you will take out a journal and write down any reflections on your day.
- Imagine what you would write down, open your eyes, and jot down whatever comes to mind.
Consider what you wrote down as a guide to help you get there. This exercise can not only serve to motivate you, but you can then use it in conjunction to help you complete the next exercise.
Values Exercise Three: Bullseye Exercise
Here’s a practical tool to help you engage in some values exploration: the Bullseye Exercise. You’re going to divide your life into four main areas (e.g., Work, Relationships, Health, Leisure) and do some exploration in each.
How to Create and Use the Bullseye Diagram:
- Draw a large circle and divide it into four quadrants.
- Label each quadrant with a different area of your life (e.g., Work, Relationships, Health, Leisure). For each quadrant, see if you can see anything that you noticed from the previous exercise to help you solidify what you want to strive towards in these different domains. You can also consider the questions in each domain in the image below.
- After identifying what values are important to you in each domain. You’re going to self-evaluate how you’re currently doing in each area placing an X in each quadrant to represent how aligned you feel with your values as of today (closer to the center means more aligned).
- Reflect on why some areas are closer to the center and others are further away.
- Identify actions to improve alignment in areas further from the center
This self-reflection helps identify areas in your life where you can feel proud of how you’re showing up and areas of improvement. Consider the role that anxiety is playing in multiple areas of your life because that can give you a good sense of where you want to start tackling your anxiety.
Bulls Eye Exercise Adapted from Lundgren, T., Luoma, J.B., Dahl, J., Strosahl, K., &Melin, L. (2012). The Bull’s-Eye Values Survey: A Psychometric Evaluation. Cognitive and Behavioral Practice, 19(4), 518-526. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cbpra.2012.01.004
Tips for Engaging in Values Exercises
Sometimes, when we can’t cope with the emotions or when our emotions are getting in our way and clouding our judgment, us making a decision that’s based on our values is better than being impulsive or being angry. It’s helpful to understand that your emotions are at play when trying to make this decision, so I’d encourage you to identify what those emotions are. Are these emotions sending you messages or are they just keeping you stuck?
Embracing Autonomy
An important point to remember when engaging in values work is that you can decide what’s important to you. Sometimes, it can be easy to confuse the values of your family of origin with your own or feel pressured to choose socially accepted values. Ask yourself: If no one ever knew about this value or the associated goals linked to that value, would it still be important to you? Another reminder is that you can change your mind especially if you’ve changed.
Trying on Values
If you struggle with making decisions or want to pick the “perfect” value and then find yourself paralyzed with indecision, you can adopt a mindset of playful experimentation with values. You can try out a value as you would try out a new outfit. Define what being a loving partner means to you. Break it into actionable steps and see how it feels to live by that value.
Example:
- Identify a Value: Let’s say you choose “being a loving partner.”
- Define the Value: Being a loving partner means being open-minded, affectionate, and expressing your feelings.
- Translate to Actions: Commit to actions like listening actively, expressing appreciation, and being supportive.
- Trial Period: Try living these actions for a set period, such as a month, and reflect on how it feels.
This practice can help you determine if this value resonates with you.
Linking Anxiety and Values
During the Bullseye exercise, we discussed the importance of examining how anxiety hinders living by your values. To transform your relationship with anxiety, gradually engage in activities labeled as too intimidating by your anxious thoughts. Whether in social settings or dealing with physical sensations, strengthening your ability to coexist with anxiety enables you to pursue meaningful goals. Understanding the areas dominated by anxiety is key to identifying the necessary skills for overcoming such challenges.
Continuous Choices and Flexibility
Keeping your values in mind gives you constant opportunities to practice them. You’ll also discover how to adjust your goals in unforeseen circumstances or moments of anxiety (because hey, we’re all human here). Let’s say you set out to attend 3 social events last month but only made it to 1; being adaptable means you can aim for at least 1 event in the few days remaining. Rather than dwelling on past slip-ups, focus on honoring your values in the present moment. This mindset is especially beneficial if you tend to dwell on past setbacks or fear what’s to come.
Next Steps
Try to pick one more of these exercises to practice. These practices can offer a great opportunity for self-reflection and gaining insight into the changes that would be most helpful in your life. And like I always say, I hope you continue nurturing your mind, body, and soul, whatever that looks like for you.
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