Do you struggle with overthinking it? Are you feeling overwhelmed by all the spiraling thoughts? Then watch the video on overthinking it or scroll down to read the blog. If you’re new around here, my name is Diana Garcia I’m a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in Florida and the owner of Nurturing Minds Counseling.

Table of Contents

Watch the Video on “5 Questions to Stop Overthinking It”:

Read the Blog on “5 Questions to Stop Overthinking It”:

What is the Meaning of Overthinking?

Overthinking is simply when your mind takes hold of a situation, whether a decision or a scenario and starts overanalyzing it. That can be replaying or ruminating about the past, thinking about all the possible plans, including all the worst-case scenarios, and getting into the weeds about all the details or nuances about the issue at hand.

To answer the question: Am I overthinking it? You have to understand that it’s subjective. There’s no test to confirm that your internal experience has gone from just thinking to overthinking. But some tell-tale signs that you are overthinking are:

  • It’s gotten to the point where it’s no longer helpful planning, and you’re just worrying about the situation. 
  • You’re thinking about the same things, repeating the same patterns of thoughts. 
  • You’re not actively deciding or coming up with a solution because you’re just mentally reviewing all the information you already know. 
  • You’re noticing that you’re feeling overwhelmed by your thoughts and the repetitive nature of your thoughts. And you feel stuck mulling over the same information.
  • The pattern of thinking is no longer helping you move forward. 

Now that you have a sense if you’re overthinking it. Here are some questions to help you step out of the overthinking cycle. 

Question One: What’s the Worse Thing that Can Happen?

I want you to start to get ahead of some of this fear and anxiety by asking yourself this question. Consider the worst thing that can happen related to the situation or decision is? You want to understand what is driving some of this fear here to get a better handle on it. It’s pretty common to engage in some catastrophizing when thinking of anxiety, so you might already know what scary thing your mind is telling you could happen.

Once you go down that rabbit hole of fear, you might realize this fear might be something you can prepare up to a point. Or you need to remind yourself even if this fear comes to pass; you will be able to handle it. It might be helpful to consider other difficult situations you lived through and went through on the other end. When fear has taken hold, it’s easy to forget your natural resiliency and inner resources. Once you identify your fear aloud, you might also realize how improbable it is to come to fruition.  I want to make a note about superstitious thinking by reminding you that considering the worst-case scenario doesn’t mean that’s going to happen. 

By getting ahead of your worst-case scenario, when you notice you’re mind is starting to overthink again, you can catch it and remind yourself that you know what this is about at the core. You can even say, “Thank you, mind, for trying to protect me from (insert worst-case scenario) here, and I will be okay either way.”

As an added bonus of gaining clarity on your fear, you’ll also get a sense of what it’s crucial to you about this situation and can help highlight your values. You hurt where you care. 

Question Two: What’s Within Your Control? What’s Outside of Your Control?

It’s a two-part question, but it’s important to distinguish what is within your control and what’s outside of your control.  When you start overthinking it, it’s easy to confuse the two things, and you might falsely believe that you can control factors that are not within your control. For clarity’s sake: 

You don’t have control of:

  • Other people’s reactions or decisions
  • Several unexpected life circumstances include delays, weather, health issues, unplanned financial burdens, etc. 
  • All the thoughts that show up in your mind
  • The range of feelings that you experience
  • Physical sensations that are automatically triggered 
  • Memories that come to mind

You do have control of the following:

  • Your behaviors, including what you do with your hands and feets
  • What you say aloud 
  • Your reactions to your internal experiences (thoughts, feelings, memories, and physical sensations)

It might be shocking to realize that you don’t have that much control of all your thoughts, feelings, memories, or physical sensations. Luckily, it relieves the pressure of getting rid of uncomfortable internal experiences. And you do have control over your reaction to these inner experiences. 

When you list the factors within your control, you can decide how you want to move forward. Or at least focus your thinking on decisions that can initiate change by doing something on your part. In contrast, the circumstances that are outside of your control will then require you to tap into some radical acceptance over.

Radical acceptance is making room for the willingness to accept the reality of your situation with some compassion and kindness. You don’t have to be happy while accepting it, but more so, concretely recognizing that it might be the best avenue to make a truce with this situation. This leads to the next question because there are probably some lingering feelings showing up once you start to discern the difference.

Question Three: What Feelings Do You Have to Accept About This?

When you’re overthinking it, you want to get clear on what feelings are showing up for you? Are there certain feelings you’re avoiding or feel uncomfortable sitting with, so instead, you keep defaulting to overthinking it?

Sometimes overthinking a situation can allow us to avoid sitting with our emotions about the situation. Common feelings that might be coming up:

  • Feeling of uncertainty
  • Feeling powerless
  • Feeling of dread
  • Feeling afraid
    • Fear of disappointing others
    • Fear of making a mistake
    • Fear of failing

Or none of the above. You just need to get curious about your emotional experience. And then move into a stance of willingness and acceptance about your emotions, particularly for the complex feelings for you to have. 

Remember, emotions don’t last forever. Once you identify the feelings, figure out what you need to do to cope with this experience that works for you and is aligned with your values. For a great resource on managing emotions, check out this blog on the book “Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett, PhD.

Question Four: Do You Have a Deadline to Make this Decision?

A more concrete question to help you stop overthinking it is to ask yourself is there a deadline for this decision or circumstance. If you have a deadline, that does validate needing to give this problem some headspace to devise a plan of action. Go back to what you do have control of and focus on that when making this plan. 

If you have much more time until you have to make this decision, you can spend endless time spiraling out about all the possible solutions. I’m not necessarily advocating that you procrastinate on making this decision, but it might be helpful to set a dedicated time to go over this situation. When you notice your mind is distracted by overthinking again, you can remind yourself you’ll think about it during that designated period. Essentially, what’s called a “Worry Time”, time which I’ll review in-depth in another blog. For now, give yourself permission not to spend every waking moment considering this decision if you have more time. 

Now, if it’s a decision that has an arbitrary deadline, I encourage you to give yourself an informal deadline. If not, you might get stuck in the overthinking phase without moving on to the action phase. Giving yourself a deadline might also light a fire under your butt to start making some movement. 

Question Five: What’s Keeping You Stuck in Rewind Mode?

The last question is about figuring out what is keeping you stuck overthinking it. List out what is about this situation that is keeping you stuck.

  • Are you missing information to make this decision? If so, you may need to consult with a professional in that field.
  • Are you unclear on your potential options? It might be helpful to list this or speak to a trusted friend. Don’t go overboard here; just pick 1 or 2 friends max. 
  • Are you getting stuck on the fear and uncertainty involved in this decision? If this is more related to your feelings, like I mentioned before,  label those feelings and how to cope when they come up. 
  • Is overthinking comforting because, weirdly, it makes you feel in control? 

The goal of this question is to acknowledge what are the barriers that are keeping you stuck so you can problem-solve these different barriers. It could be more than one barrier, which is fine. Make a plan of action for each obstacle. If you’re building a house, you can get overwhelmed considering everything involved to get to the end result. But if you take it piece by piece, start with the foundation, then the front door, and you’ll slowly begin to progress. Start with one obstacle at a time and focus on each before moving on.

It might be helpful to grab a journal or notepad and write down the answers to these questions. Or you could also benefit from taking these questions out with a friend. Maybe you don’t want to go through all five questions; explore the questions that resonate with you and leave the others. 

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